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Thanks.  See you there.

The Bored Boring Blogger

I’m stealing some time from work (while waiting for some files to be downloaded, just in case my boss wants an explanation) to write about something that’s been lingering in my mind for the past few days already.  By the way, it’s Day 3 to my new job, it’s been great but I’ll save that for next time.

Anyway.

I’ve been blogging for four damn years.

To some, that’s considered a short period of time – but to me, it’s long enough to observe the gradual change in the things I write and the way I write them.  In other words, in the span of four years my outlook on life has changed and I pay attention to different things now.

I was browsing through my old archives in my older blogs and I must say that I was once more open and would blog about almost anything that came my way.  And then I started making friends on the blogosphere, where some did turn out to be real-time, offline buddies that I’m very grateful for. Blog-hopping and checking for feeds were almost customary every morning.  Exchanging links and comments, as I’ve learned, are basic blog-tiquettes.

Yet somehow, after four years – I’ve forgotten why I started a blog in the first place.  My blog was supposed to be a place where I could write all I want, regardless of what others think, and it should represent my innermost thoughts even if I was going to contradict myself the year after.  It’s supposed to allow change, at my own pace, my own words.

I’m not saying that I haven’t been blogging honestly, I have.  And I love my readers and their inputs.  But these days, I find it difficult to write about things I used to few years ago.  Maybe I’ve grown a bit older, and my thoughts have become deeper and boring.  There’s a funny trend that I’ve observed throughout my blogging years – it’s that if I write deep, thought-provoking, personal, dull stuff – the inputs from readers reduce tremendously, sometimes none at all.  Which is strange because most of the time, those are the topics that open rooms for discussion.

Because of that, I’ve kept those random thoughts to myself more, and began to write about things that would be deemed “alright” for the public.  There are days when I only have a few lines to pen, and I would have dedicated an entry for that but now, I’d think it’s a waste of space and time for my readers.

Remember The Child, The Dauber, The Writer and all the dimensions I once wrote?  Somewhere along the way, The Child has been neglected, and that sometimes mean that The Writer has lost his soul.

And I’m damn bored of writing without soul.

If I lose all my readers one day it’s most likely my own fault.  I’ve probably moved my blogs a tad too often, and I think I owe my readers an explanation.  Truth is, I’m very keen in learning how websites work.  I like meddling with codes just to see something different appear.  Most of the time, moving just means I’ve found a new opportunity to explore the website world a little bit more.  It’s a bit like hitchhiking, where one is never on a permanent spot but is gradually finding solid ground.

Which is why I bought the domain:  http://www.the-kooky-jar.com.  A hitchhiker can be at many places, but has only one name, one identity.  I’ve been told I’d lose readers for shifting, but that’s the least of my concerns.  Blogging isn’t about gaining popularity – at least not for me – it’s mainly a form of sharing.  I’m really thankful for those who have been so kind to update their feeds and links each time I move, and readers who have stuck on – but whatever it is, just remember that I can always be found at “www.the-kooky-jar.com” – nothing more, nothing less.

I think I’ll be taking a break from blogging for a while.  Not quitting, but just a short break – to find the consistency, the purpose, the honesty and The Child.  Perhaps for a better blog to come, who knows?

Til the next chapter,
The Writer

FOUR: Parallel Worlds

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Jenna’s Side of The World

Nine days.  After days of waiting, it’s all down to one digit.  Jenna felt as though it was only yesterday since she handed in her resignation letter.   No, it was two months ago when that happened, and waiting felt so slow.

But now.  Nine days.

It all seemed so fast.

She has no problem leaving the company, but leaving her students has begun to become an issue.  Those cute, adorable little children who didn’t know why they were sent to the center in the first place can now hum tunes and sing a song or two.  All thanks to Teacher Jenna.

Day Nine seemed to move particularly slower, not because it was a bad day, but simply because Jenna was observing a little bit more, as though trying to capture mental images of the place and her students frame by frame.  From their laughters to their whines, and the looks on their parents faces.

She paused a little while longer as she observed Mr Lim.  He was one of the only few dads in the room, as the children as usually accompanied by their mothers.  An IT-expert who had no obvious outward expression of affection for his son on their first few weeks, he now dances and sings with his kid with a warm, joyful expression on his face – sometimes as though enjoying the class more than his child does.  Jenna wasn’t sure if she was responsible for that transformation, but those were the little things that kept her motivated to do her job well.  She found herself drawing a clear  line between disliking her employers and a developing affection for her classes.

But the thought of leaving makes the line all blurry again.

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Sue’s Side of the World

The doctor-patient professional barrier has been breached alright.  From one brief visitation to her teenage patient, Sue found herself spending more and more time with Kar Mun – she would push Kar Mun around in her wheelchair as they talked about almost anything they could think of.  Maybe it’s because of the small age gap, as compared to older and probably wiser doctors, Sue found it easy to understand her young friend each she shared something close to heart.

Sometimes people along the hospital corridors would look on the two new friends and Sue did worry if it would compromise her reputation as a doctor, but the more she got to know Kar Mun the least she cared about how others viewed them.  It probably would have been less awkward if Kar Mun was a friend she knew a long time ago, but the way she saw it – it did not matter if she knew her then or now.  The onlookers would not be able to tell the difference anyway, not that it mattered to her.

As any patient would, Kar Mun continued to make progress in her recovery.  Sue knew she was going to be discharged soon, but was not aware exactly when.  Without the chance to say goodbye, Kar Mun checked out while Sue was out for lunch.  When Sue returned, she was surprised to see the empty room.  One of the nurses told her that her new friend has already left, and while Sue was glad that her patient was ready to leave the hospital, she can’t help but feel sad she’ll be missing a friend at the same time.

All along in meds school, Sue learned that doctors aren’t allowed to have personal relationships with their patients, for fear that it will compromise their professional judgment in making decisions.

But no one really emphasized that  it also made parting harder.

Sometimes, healing takes more than medicine and stitches and surgery.  Certain wounds require laughter, prayer and a dose of friendship.  As she stared at the empty room, Sue thought she may not be the best doctor around, but she knew that she had something to do with one small part of her friend’s recovery.

Something Black & White This Way Comes

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“It’s difficult in times like these: ideals, dreams and cherished hopes rise within us, only to be crushed by grim reality. It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.”
–Anne Frank

Clicking My Heels Three Times

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And we’ll ride into the sun together.

My former high school principal once told me that.  We were graduating and she was retiring on the same year, and that was the one sentence she told me during one of our little pep-talks we used to have in her office.

I’ve officially finished my exams – which means it’s the end of the 2nd year of my degree.  Which also means, I’m pretty much halfway there.  It’s like the end of the honeymoon phase, because next year onwards, I’ll be having bigger and tougher projects, and then internship and next thing I know I’ll be finishing my final year.  Everybody says time flies, but suddenly it seems like it’s been boarding a rocket all ready to hit the moon in seconds.

Inclusive of my foundation year here, it has been a total of 3 years since I started a new life here.  I could barely call it life then, I hated this place that much but I’m quite glad I’ve been moved out of my comfort zone.  I’ve learned so much in this deserted place.  My friends and I usually describe our university as one that “sprouts out from nowhere”.

Unlike my seniors who will be graduating this semester, I won’t want to write a long recount of the things that I’ve encountered and learned yet.  But I just want to put this post up to mark the mid-point of everything.  The transition.  The change that awaits.

I probably have too many sunset photos stored in my computer, but I won’t be putting them up as often as I did before now.  Next semester I’ll be changing to a new room, somewhere with less spectacular view, but hopefully better wireless connection.  It’s the same house, just different room, and I might be having a new bunch of housemates since most of them are leaving for internship next semester.

As for the coming holidays, there are already things on my to-do list, but the first thing I want to go home when I reach home is to stay home.  Just be one with my room, bed, TV, everything once again.

One thing for sure, I’d want to spend time writing more.  If there is one thing that still bugs me being in the community here is that I find an exponential deterioration in my proficiency of the language.

It feels weird to go to bed without having to cram some necessary academic information into my head.

Good night.

Counting Down

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I’m not studying in the library today.  Was so sleepy after my paper this morning I had to go back to my room to catch some snooze before I start revising for the next one.  My exam schedule this week has been pure madness – but I’m grateful I’ve made it through so far.  I don’t usually talk about my studies because there’s nothing about it to boast about but I think I’ve learned one important lesson this time around:

The mind is more powerful than one can imagine.

One more paper : Mechanical Engineering Design II, and then I’m all set to pack and go.

Onward, MAAAARCCCH!!

The Book Started This

3ofus.jpgI don’t believe in horoscopes, astrology, all those kinds of stuff.  I like to read them for fun, and it’s fun because it’s one of those things that I can’t figure out its logic.  All three of us have been camping at the library lately to study, and to escape the grueling heat outside.

I have to admit, the library in my uni is pretty impressive.  They have all kinds of books – from neurology to all kinds of engineering topics, to cookbooks, softwares, novels, hobbies (even quilting!), social topics, feminism, religion, witchcraft, just to name a few.

So Tania and I came across this thick, huge and heavy book lying around in one of the shelves and its cover reads, “Relationships.”

It’s basically an astrology dictionary about relationships, very much alike to Lillian Too or Joey Yap’s annual take on the compatibility between the chinese zodiacs – except this one doesn’t have a due date or anything like that.

So what you do is you find your birthdate and horoscope, and then find your friend’s or partner’s that you would like to be compared to.  Being curious as usual, Tania and I searched for ours and Mildred’s too.

After a long search and all the oooh’s and aaaah’s, we finally concluded that we could all get along with one another.  Tania and I have are “unusually supportive of one another”, Mildred brings out the funner side of me, I keep Mildred’s feet to the ground, while Mildred and Tania are a great match, provided there’s someone else (a third person) in between to keep things balanced.  To tell you the truth, being an unbeliever in such things, I find them to be oddly accurate. It’s true, I’m the boring one, Tania’s the cute and caring one, while Mildred’s always the sunshine among us.

It’s not so much on being wow-ed by the book – but it just reminded me of the precious gems in my life.  Yesterday, some of our church members drove all the way from Ipoh just to get us some good, home-cooked food for dinner.  These are people with so many better things to do but they’d spend their time for us simply because they knew we’re all homesick by now, and we’re all stressed out by our exams.

Last night, I actually said a prayer to thank God for putting me in this deserted area.  Sometimes, in big cities where you have everything you want at your doorstep, it’s hard to spot the rare, pretty stuff that are hidden within.  We take things for granted and we get lost in the crowd.  Here, uncovering hidden treasures are actually easier.  My coursemates (yes, all the 7 guys), church brothers and sisters, the crazy duo up there, and all the people here (it’s a long list, I swear) that have entered my little circle have kept me sane.  Sometimes they do drive me nuts, but they’d find a way to put me back eventually.

I don’t know who actually reads this, but I just want to say thanks.  Thanks for the drama, for the chaos, the laughters and madness that you’ve brought into my life.  You own a huge chapter in my book.

And speaking of which, that astrology book isn’t entirely accurate.  It says that I possess prophetic abilities, and I have no clue what’s coming out for my exams.  So I better get back to studying now.  Tata!

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